DEALING WITH ANGER

Author Thomas P. Hollander, Ph.D. is a Licensed Psychologist and Marriage and Family Therapist

Managing angry feelings can be one of the greatest challenges for relationships, parents and children. Several basic pointers follow to help recognize and deal with anger:

Learn to spot anger signs. These can include: head, stomach and back aches, rapid speech, yelling and screaming, sarcasm or cynicism, denial, revenge fantasies, arguing with others, becoming silent or withholding, avoiding others, becoming violent compulsive eating, spending, cleaning, or sex.

Identify the causes. This includes understanding: the situation; who is involved; whether the response involves a pattern or first time behaviours and; feelings which are linked to the anger, such as overstress, fatigue, hunger, loneliness and being afraid.

Several positive ways to respond to feelings of anger include: reasoning with your anger using self-talk. Change thoughts from: "I'm angry at you because you..." to; "It's unfortunate this happened, but it's not worth the price I pay." Do physical activity. Walk or jog. Begin some physically demanding work.

Talk directly the person involved. Use a calm and assertive tone. Practice listening. Don't interrupt. If you're too angry, practice first with a third party.

Avoid behavior that will make the situation worse: artificial stimulants; name-calling, compulsive behavior with food, money or sex.

For prevention and preparation, meditation can help balance the nervous system, and contribute to less stressful anger management. Daily attention to diet and exercise will improve focus and concentration. Keeping a journal of anger work, including triggers, behavior and future planning can also be helpful to chart progress. Remember to be generous with self-praise when behaviour begins to change.

Only you can decide on the best method to use at this time to handle your own anger. Of the alternatives, which seem the best? What are the possible outcomes? Discuss it with a friend, a support or therapy group. Seek professional help when needed. And remember, anger is not a dirty word. It is a part of being human!