Talk it out... A parents guide to kids and smoking

As a parent, you know the job of raising kids includes great joys and disappointments. It's filled with pride and worries and uncertainty. You help your children reach and pass milestones. And you have already put a lot of energy into keeping your children out of harm's way. But now they may be about to do something that kills 13,000 people a year in Ontario alone. Something that has huge costs, from lost work time to healh care costs and loves ones lost to death and disease. The problem is, you won't be there to stop them. They will make thier own decisions about smoking.
How can you help your children make the right choice?

Myths and misconceptions
Misconceptions about what makes kids start smoking are common. Peer pressure and rebelling againsts parents are often mentioned. But these reasons are too simple to explain a complex behaviour. Understanding the behaviour will put you in a better position to talk to your kids about it.

A Parent's Place
Parents - even those who smoke themselves - can and do have an impact on whether or not their kids smoke.Of all the people who influence your children about smoking, you are the best one to give a genuine, emotional message of caring and love. At school, kids learn facts. From peers, kids feel social pressures. But their parents can bring smoking down to a personal level.

Imagine the case of one 12-year-old girl who faces the tough decision of choosing between two groups of friends. The smokers are older, dress more stylishily, seem mature and sophisticated, are attracting boys and going to parties. She views the non-smokers are young and immature, less popular and so far unnoticed by boys. What this girl needs is the gentle, guiding hand of someone who understands her problem, someone who can help her sort out the pros and cons of both choices and see the benefits of not smoking. That someone is her parent, someone like you.

No Simple Answers
Like other difficult issues you face as a parent, smoking brings no simple answers. Kids are different. What works with one may not work at all with another.But one of the experiences of educators, social groups, health care professionals, parents and children, come some guiding principles for how to connct with your kids at this important age - and some practical ideas for how to talk with them about smoking.

As you try to raise your kids to be smoke-free, accept the fact there may be problems. Your children may try smoking. But you can provide them with powerful messages. You can help build their determination to stay away from smoking or to reject it once they have tried it.

POINTERS FOR PARENTS

Nothing But The Facts
Be familiar with some facts about smoking, but sprinkle that information sparingly. Some children will be turned off by facts that don't seem relevant. Others appreciate cold, hard statistics that they can use in their own arguments against smoking. You can use facts by saying actions have consequences, and here are the consequences of smoking

Each day in Ontario about 35 people die from smoking - one every 40 minutes.

The number of people who die from smoking is five ties as high as those who die from traffic accidents, suicide and AIDS combined.

Cigarettes contain thousands of chemicals that no one would otherwise put in his or her body, such as those found in ant poison, moth balls, rocket fuel and toilet bowl cleanser.

Smoking one-and-a-half packs of cigaretts a day exposes the smoker to as much radioactive poison as 300 chest x-rays in a year.

Four out of five lung cancers are caused by smoking. Nine out of 10 people who get lung cancer die of the disease, usually with-in two years of diagnosis.

Nictoine has been called a gateway drug because many people who have other drug additions started with an addiction to nicotine.

Smokers rarely begin the habit afer age 20.

In the past two years, smoking among Grade 7 students increased 50 per cent, from 6.1 to 9.4 per cent of all students.

Between 1977 and 1991, the precentage of children trying tabacco for the first time before Grade 9 dropped from 89 to 69 per cent. However, since then the percentage has increased to 75.

Women who smoke during pregnancy are more likely to have low birth-weight babies.

One out of every eight trees cut down in the world goes toward making and packaging cigarettes.

Talking Tips
Having trouble talking with you child? You are not alone, and keep these tips in mind.

Be patient and keep trying

Be prepared for rejection. Let a conversation that isn't working stop. But pick it up again when the time seems better. Even if the conversation is not going the way you want, the fact that you care enough to try will have an impact. Be yourself.

Don't feel you have to be a perfect role model. Be honest in the way you present yourself and your feelings. Share your convictions and beliefs about smoking.

Listen. And listen some more.
Try to hear the struggles and difficulties of their day-to-day lives and understand their attitdue toward smoking in that large context. Put yoruself in their shoes.

Don't judge yourself or get discouraged with yourself as a parent if things don't go well. These are tough years and communication is difficult. Keep extending the hand that says you care in your own way.
Be sincerely interested in what they are doing and saying.
Your don't have to agree with it all, but be attentive.

Start from a personal experience, perhaps your own.
Share something real and create a meaningful conversation around that.

Moving Forward
Talk with your kids about smoking in many conversations over a long period of time. Between ages 13 to 17, your children will be struggling to create their own identities. Accept the fact that for some children, smoking will be part of that effort. Your job is to help them see why it's not a good choice. With good self-esteem, these young people may find the biggest obstacle to giving up the behavious is their physical addiction.